Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
