I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
