the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
