you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
