Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
