I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
