We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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