took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
