my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
