but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sext me about skeletons
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
