Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
