it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
