John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
