the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
operation have a gay friend backfired
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
