You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
