i jhust puked up my retainher.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
