They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
