Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
