Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
