Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Randomize
