hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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