there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
