We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
