That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
