Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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