chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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