billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
