I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
