so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
