I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
