Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
