I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
