It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
