Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
