I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
