I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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