I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
