Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm at about main and main street
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
