I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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