Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
