Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
