I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
