Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
