I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
