burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
