I don't usually arrange sex via text message
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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