I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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