cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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