the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
