some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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