My room smells like vodka and shame
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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